When the Twilight craze started sometime last year, I was eager to pick up the books myself. Everybody I knew was reading those books, including some of my friends who dare not touch literature for fear it might burn them. One of my best friends reportedly stayed up an entire night until she had finished reading the first book. Geez, I thought. This author must really be onto something!
What happened next was one of the most genuinely disappointing moments of my life, and months later I am still left in shock and confusion, because quite frankly the first book was SHIT. S-H-I-T! Craphole, filth, shit of the earth! Even writing this entry makes me want to pound out my frustration on my keyboard. I literally just felt my heart clench in rage.
First of all, let me say that I am NOT making these judgements based on pretention picked up from my years of studying English literature. I’m sure I have been influenced a little, but I certainly don’t abhor pop culture like many of my faggy, hippie classmates. I adored Harry Potter, for god’s sake (until he turned into an arrogant prick, that is).
But I just cannot comprehend the attraction of these books. Stephenie Meyer is a garbage writer. I don’t know how the editor ignored the FIVE BILLION DASHES inserted in EVERY PARAGRAPH but he/she did, and should be fired immediately or publicly hung.
The story line was entirely corrupt. So this loser of a teenager moves to a new town to start afresh, and actually finds herself making friends with the locals. Like, people are actually interested in her and want to be her friend, for the first time EVER! And what does she do?! She ditches all these lovely new companions for a fucking vampire! A stupid fucking vampire! What kind of message is this delivering to teenagers?! IT’S OKAY TO GET INVOLVED WITH DANGEROUS MEN, AS LONG AS THEY LOVE YOU? IT’S OKAY TO DITCH ALL YOUR FRIENDS, POSSIBLE FUTURE SUPPORT NETWORKS FOR WHEN THE STUPID VAMPIRE DUMPS YOUR ASS BECAUSE YOU GET FAT AND PREGNANT?
NEVERMIND that Meyer is a Mormon, so the main characters’ entire passionate relationship lacks any real passion whatsoever. There’s a lot of STARING and coy GLANCES and awkward EXCHANGES and loving GAZES and horny hand-holding BUT NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. Go have fucking sex somewhere already, because the ONLY cool thing that could have possibly happened in that book would be to have SEX WITH A VAMPIRE. Yes I realize that this book is for young teenagers, but if you’re going to tell a young girl it’s okay to dedicate your entire life to a dangerous lover (like a pedophile, perhaps) then you must as well be realistic about it.
And it was BORING. BORING BORING BORING. This coming from someone who has read years of CLASSIC LITERATURE! My God I want to scream my hatred to the world! The other day I logged onto Facebook and somebody’s status declared Meyer as the best author of ALL TIME. YEAH OKAY. SURE. YOU IGNORANT FUCK. I would love, love, love to take some hardcover copies of Twilight and BEAT YOU TO DEATH.
The only good side of the series? Kids are reading. That’s it. Jesus fucking Christ, maybe teenagers will be able to spell properly someday.
Anyway, here’s a good book to expand your mind.
The Poisonwood Bible – Barbara Kingsolver
This book probably could have ended long before it did with the same impact, but I enjoyed it. Heavy, what with the corruption of Africa and the exploitation of the Congo. But excellent character development, that sorta thing. My favourite line? There are Christians, and then there are Christians.
****/*****
![Quebec Cit\](http://farm8.static.flickr.com/7115/7039057147_84b69f981f_s.jpg "Quebec Cit\")
I didn’t mind the Twilight series, but I can’t stand the Harry Potter series. I just don’t get what everyone thinks is so great about those stories. I do get your point about Twilight and as a teacher I was really concerned about the message that it was sending to its young readers.
woohoo new spectator, thanks for posting!
i think the appeal of HP for me is Rowling’s creativity…it takes a good deal of imagination to construct a whole new wizardly world… but she’s certainly no Tolkien or Lewis.
1. i don’t read books. so i can’t judge.
2. i had to finally see the movie, cus really, whats all this fuss about?
3. the only highlight was edward, cus yes, he’s hot. except its like no one realizes he’s a raging stalker?
4. the craze just goes to show how many freaks are out there who have a secret fantasy of being with a vampire… creeptowns!
you don’t read books?!!! i didn’t think it was possible to be such a good writer without being a bookworm. although that’s silly because there’s other good things to read too.
yeah, edward is a stalker, plus isn’t he like 100 years old? isn’t that illegal?
[...] in case you missed it, here’s my Twilight rant, which I feel totally deserves to resurface since I didn’t have any followers [...]
Book-burn. haha.
I avoid fantasy like a mofo, sci-fi’s more my game. So chances of me touching this one, especially if it doesn’t have some good hanky panky, is slim to nil.
But speaking of vampires being awesome, how about Vampire Bill in True Blood. If you’re gonna do the nasty with an old dude, might as well be him. HBO probably pays better than whatever publishing company this supposed barf book is with. Might even score a sugar daddy out of it at the same time.
Another twilight hater! Bless you. Sometimes I’d rather people give up reading than read and promote crap like this. The book begins with a capital R for regressive and then tumbles further down that lane. And then there’s the writing. It was so painfully bad, it made me cry.
Thank the good Lord! I am so happy that you wrote this!!!
You know that I teach 9th grade English. Well, my students are like seriously in love with Meyer. They tell me. All. The. Time.
And to make matters worse, my entire English dept was reading the books and gushing about how great they were last year.
I was like, Are you fucking kidding me??? The woman has no grammar or story-telling skills what so ever!
To make matters even worse, like over half of my college- educated friends’ statuses on FB read something like, “OMG I can’t wait for New Moon!”
Really? I am so sick of ppl. comparing her to JK Rowling (who I adore) or Stephen King. It’s just bullshit!
Bravo girl, bravo!
I read the first two books and didn’t hate them (a coworker gave them to me). But the books are overrated. The worst part is that my friends have gotten very obsessive about the series. Like let’s all go to the new movie when it comes out dressed up as vampires, or let’s go to Forks Washington because that’s where the book takes place. It’s the same reason why I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter series (not that I’m comparing the series because that’ll get me shot) the books and everything else gets overhyped. I figure I’ll read the last 2 sometime 20 years down the road when no one cares.
Oh and I commend you for suggesting The Poisonwood Bible. I haven’t read it in a while, but it is one opf my favorites.
Awesome!!! I completely and wholeheartedly agree with everything you so eloquently said about Twilight. Thank God. And yes, I love Barbara Kingsolver too.
Bahahaha, I’m so glad most of you agree. Cammy, I have the same problem with my Girl Guiders. OMGGGG.
And True Blood is actually pretty wicked awesome. That’s the show with the Southern vampires, right? Hilarious.
Alouise, they totally do get over-hyped. I wonder if they’re the classics of the future…?
[...] in case you missed it, here’s my Twilight rant, which I feel totally deserves to resurface since I didn’t have any followers before. [...]
My landlord’s daughter gave me the first one to read last year. I admit I was kinda hooked and read it straight through a day or two, just kinda waiting for something to happen. The plot was largely disappointing, but with all the teenage girls raving about it (this is Pakistan no less) I thought I should give it a go. I haven’t read any of the other ones, but I heard that later in the series they do have sex and Edward almost kills Bella it’s just so overwhelming. Maybe that’s the…uh “message” Meyer was going for? Sex can kill you?
Goodness! Robert Pattinson is the most greasy man I have ever seen and he looks constipated all the time!