I keep getting work emails telling me that my inbox is over its size limit, so I went through everything and deleted about a bajillion files, and then checked my junkmail. There was this particular email that jumped out at me in such an accusatory fashion, that my heart started hammering and I immediately thought how’d they know?
LESBIAN
Such a simple, one-lined subject with all the malice this spammer could muster. And then I realized, what a second, I love men! Men and their muscled pecs, chest hair, deep voices, large hands, suave son-of-a-bitch attitudes.
On the other hand, I’ve had enough. This past year I’ve been disrespected, used and puked on more than I ever have in my entire lifetime. Mostly it’s my fault for putting myself in these situations, but fuck everyone for taking advantage of my naivety. Nobody deserves that. And I know I’ve been equally an asshole in certain situations, but how is that men are entirely different species than women? Wait ‘til I’m famous, bitches.
In other news, I’ve lost my wallet and my surgery is in less than a week. HOLY SHIT. 25 k hike this weekend, good opportunity to clear my head. And also, my parents are visiting. They sent me a lovely package filled with hand-picked blueberries and bottled moose meat. Yum. I also haven’t been able to shake the “bay talk” since they left, b’y the lard tunderin’ Jesus me ‘ol cock, ‘tis some fearful.
I guess this bitch will wait til you’re famous.
And I want blueberries!
Bottled moose meat? Does it taste like anything else (pork, chicken, or beef)? It’s things like that that make me want to travel. Love the blog and the simple honesty of it all.
E
b’y the lard tunderin’ Jesus me ‘ol cock, ‘tis some fearful.
Um I don’t have a Bay Talk translator but I think you said “Wait ‘til I’m famous, bitches”
@nashe: I’m afriad you’ll be waiting awhile! Sad.
@Eric: Thanks for droppng by, friend! It’s hard to describe moose meat; I guess it’s sorta like beef, but…more bitter, perhaps. Actually, I haven’t eaten it in years. When we cook up a big feed this weekend, I’ll let you know.
@Linlah: Actually, that sentence really made no sense, I kinda just inserted random Newfie words into a sentence, but what I was going for was: “Holy crap, it’s scary.”