Did I mention that I’ve been watering the humungous fake tree at work? Yep, it’s happened. Cubemate was transferred to the IOT for a few months, so she’s reminded me twice to water the plants. The second time around, I was watering the giant tree when I realized it looked kinda…well, rubbery. I bolted before anyone could see me and messaged CM, asking her if the tree was fake.
It is.
I then messaged my coworker who sits directly beside the tree and told him what had happened. The loud laughter of all the engineers was all I heard for about ten minutes.
Fortunately, I’ve redeemed myself at last week’s Christmas party. My lord, what a bunch! CM invited us all to her house, and her fiance invited his coworkers as well. My coworkers and I overtook the kitchen, shot jello shooters, made a giant bowl of pink punch, and proceeded to get hammered. My belt, cleverly stuck together with SCOTCH TAPE quickly became my second downfall.
At one point, someone smashed a bottle of Jameson whiskey on the floor. The boys got down on their knees and soaked everything up, and then wrung it out into a glass.
Someone drank it. There’s no surprise why they hired me anymore.
BOXHEAD is not impressed!
So I’ve discovered the downfall of living in downtown St. John’s. Holy fuckery. It’s taken two days for the city to “clean up” winter’s epic dump all over the place. I use the phrase “clean up” loosely, as the sidewalks are still unploughed and the roads are still sloppy. Walking to work yesterday was intense…I literally have to navigate sideways down THREE HILLS, and not just gentle slopes either…nope, these are badass 90-degree slopes, people. Any steeper and I’d be free-falling.
These “minor” inconveniences would be okay if drivers in St. John’s weren’t such fucking assholes. I’m actually getting angrier by the minute as I write this, I’m so fed up. I have absolutely NO CHOICE but to walk in the middle of the main road at times, because the sidewalks aren’t cleared and I need to get to the other side. However, drivers think us lowly pedestrians are just trying to piss them off, and so they speed up on icy roads, splash us, and generally just don’t give a fuck.
Yesterday, when I was making the last stretch uphill, I was walking in the middle because it was the only place I could find some traction. I heard a car coming behind me, bass blaring and all, and I assumed I had time to move aside. That motherfucker sped up, tires squealing, and forced me to jump into a snowbank.
RAGE.
Thank you all for checking out my new site, by the way. I’m so in love with it, I can’t wait for this one to go live. So many new people to add to my blogroll. I like how Candice Does the World reaches out to a new audience as well…daily, I’m finding new people commenting on my site, or leaving messages on Twitter saying how much they enjoy my blog. Feels absolutely amazing.
When I win the lottery, I’m flying ya’ll up here for one big party!
Oh, that pic of you is awesome!
That works party sounds fun and crazy, my job is lame about stuff like that. Our “holiday party” consists of lukewarm food during lunch at work. And our lunches are only like 40 minutes.
All that walking in the snow and cold sounds terrible! The drivers are awful here too, but luckily there’s no snow or sleet to splash on anyone. It does rain a lot here though.
So glad you are loving the new blog. I checked it out and it is very cool. Congrats!
That is a classic. Watering a fake tree. You win!!!!
Whoever drank the Jameson’s is going to be shitting glass shards for weeks!
Winter in Sin City…. ugh! Never a good thing as a driver (badly plowed roads) even worse as a pedestrian.
You know the rule is you are suppose to shovel the side walk in front of your home/business. It’s not enforced obviously!
Sounds like a great party. Come here for Friday I need a date to my swim team’s party who’s remotely near my age and drinking ability.
How about knee high boots locked into some snowshoes? You could totally rock that look and negotiate the sidewalks. Love the photo.
Your posts certainly brighten my day!
LOL!! I love that you watered a fake tree… That sounds like the time I fed my hermit crab weeks after it died. My roommate even took the shell out and I didn’t notice…
Your work peeps sound awesome! My work party consisted of us misterably having to eat in each other’s company for 15 minutes before we all gladly returned to our seats…I love your new site.. I know I’ve already told you, but I’m so proud!
@carissajade someone’s office sucks! My Christmas party involved me picking up my co-workers date! I know, classy guy hey?
Snow sucks SO bad.
That is all.
Your blog cracks me up. Love your watering story. Sounds like something I would do, except I’m terrible at remembering to water plants. I wonder if it’s possible to kill a fake one?
We just had our first “storm” in the GTA last night. It’s amazing how everyone forgets how to drive. Snow? In Toronto? In DECEMBER? Shocking.
Btw, just noticed you have a 20 Before 30 list. I’ve got a 27 Before 27 list going on. I look forward to stalking your progress.
ok. chill out.
i still love you.
i’m in a sketch comedy show all december, thus i’ve been crazy busy.
but i miss you like mad.
I found out last night that one of the Canucks at work is from Newfoundland. His last day was Tuesday so I didn’t get to find out exactly where in Newfoundland he was from, but I bet you can imagine he was the weird one.
I’ve fallen prey to the fake plant situation as well…Embarrassing.
Boxhead is not impressed…but boxhead is super hot.
Wow! So much material here!
Candice, did you really drink whiskey squeezed into a glass after it had been mopped up from the floor?!?!?! In my party days I did many an outlandish drunken thing, my friend, but that is a new one on me!
The walking to work – ouch. Those hills sound like killers. Can you get someone to drive you to and fro?
And – hey! – a new word – “fuckery”! All right! Thank you! I will use it before the week is out.
@Cammy: awwww, really? dude, that totally destroyed my ideas of what goes on behind teachers’ staff-room doors. i thought it’d be all crazy and will-nilly up in there! and THANKS! drop by more often .:)
@Danielle: LOL, I know!
@Chris: Yeah ,NOBODY cares about that rule, apparently. hahahaha. pay for my ticket and i’m there! ugh, st. john’s.
@Linlah: ooooh i am LOVING the snowshoe idea!
@Amiee: Glad to hear it
@CJ: LOLLL WHAT!? you have to blog about the hermit crab story
@J: agree 140%
@basia: wooot, new follower! what’s crackin? man, I totally thought I had an original idea goin’ with that list. maybe we’re both just awesomely brilliant.
@brit: i was thinking about you earlier, how’d you know?! p.s. you were in a sketch comedy show??!! can i see this take place?!
@Eric: damn! he would have been an awesome guy to befriend, for sure.
@Deidre: REALLY!? whew, i don’t feel so bad anymore. we’re both losers. ;P
@V: why thank you, darling! too bad i was a sweaty mess!
@Sabina: oh, I didn’t drink it! someone else did. wow, maybe i should clarify that. i’m an alcoholic but i don’t think i’d drink glass-shardy whiskey…or would i? hahahahaha.
i really have no one to carpool with, and things have calmed down a little around here anyway…just pray for my safety, please
Haha, awesome post, boxhead is classic, I could imagine that sort of thing turn into a whole box person if there was enough boxes and drunken people to assist with it
I watered my Christmas tree this morning. It’s white and plastic and the lights electrocuted me when I sprinkled it. I’ve been doing this every morning since November.
Fuck them all! I would carry rocks with you and the next asshole that runs you down, shatter his windshield. You fell for the plastic tree?! bwahahahahahahaha! Thats ok though, we all have done worse:)
Oh that sucks zebra balls. I hate winter and I don’t even get snow. Boxhead is epic. I think I shall check this site again.
Boxhead, kid sister to Buckethead. Talent runs in the family, evidently.
I thought drivers in Canada would be nice. I also thought the drivers in the South would be nice, too. I learned on vacation I was wrong. Tonight in NJ someone didn’t like that I was driving in the left lane to get to an exit, they repeatedly flashed their horn at me, nearly got into an accident with a tractor trailer and then laid on the horn as they sped by me and I exited. Assholes are everywhere.
Arghh! I hate those drivers too.
A few days ago after a big snow storm that left all Montreal’s sidewalks overflowing with snow, I had to climb up a steep road too, it was hard as hell…
And the drivers, omg! it’s like they were doing it on purpose… speeding up, splashing everyone on the sidewalk. When I finally reached my destination I noticed that my coat was soaked in muddy slush. Thanks assholes!
I’ll pray you win the lottery then!
And really, a snowbank? That frickin sucks. I would have started throwing things!
@Rob: Man, you know what would be super cool? If EVERYONE were Boxhead. Oh the genius!!
@Phronk: wait, wait…you’ve had your tree since November?!
@Kris: Oh man, it is SO hard to suppress my redheaded rage sometimes. SO HARD.
@mepsipax: Agree 100%. And you are more than welcome to do so!
@SFL: Hahaha, Buckethead seems a little more difficult to create
@Kyle: Seriously, I’m convinced at like 80% of the world doesn’t know how to drive. Myself included.
@Alexandra: Yeah, the muddy slush is the WORST. I have to wear plastic bags in my boots to keep them dry, hahahahaha. Me = poor
@Nashe: Please do, I need it!
I could not love boxhead any more!! Are you selling those?
I had a similar problem here at my office. I was put on plant watering duty, but I couldn’t tell the difference between the fakes and the live. So I just didn’t water any of them. The fake ones are thriving.
@Kate: I am indeed, $100 a box…!
@Hater Von G: HAAAHAHAHA…that’s really all I can say
I have this weird inability to determine whether plants and trees are real or fake. I’m so happy I’m not alone on this.