So, I’d like to point out that I’m not actually a bitch. I’ve been replying to all your comments from within the Wordpress back-end, not realizing they weren’t showing up in my entries. I replied with sincere “thank-yous” for all the kind words on my emo post, just so you know. I might retype them all later. But maybe I’ll file my nails instead.
Just be assured I love you all, from the bottom of my heart. Which isn’t a long drop, but I figure it still counts for something. I was thoroughly impressed with some of the responses, given my words were a little immature.
Anyway, the weekend update. I know there’s perhaps a coworker or two reading this post and trembling with fear. My friends, we all like to bitch about our jobs. The mundane tasks. The ceaseless work. These things are all easily rectified when you have the greatest coworkers ever.
I’ve been dubbed the company’s social committee. Just me. I’m the committee. Since the entire office only hosts a get-together once a year or less, a few of us younger folk decided to take matters into our own hands and start hosting our own parties. We held one at Cubemate’s for Christmas, and we held one last week at my place just for fun.
The thing is, when we get together, there’s no such thing as a “chill night with a few beers.” It’s go big, or go home.
It always happens. We’re sitting around just chatting socially. Things start getting funnier. Office gossip arises. Someone tears off my belt. Ten tequilas later and we’re licking whisky off the floor. BAM.
My party started with one of the guys singing “Kiss Kiss” with T-Pain’s auto tune iPhone ap. You know it’s gonna get messy when a white man starts rapping. We listened to music, chatted, drank, and discussed heading downtown.
Sometime between 12:30 and 1 a.m., we all slid quickly into “superhero drunk.” We had all finished our booze. We then eyed Chef’s expensive bottle of Scotch and the 26-er of vodka. We drank them both. Raw.
A dance party broke out. Someone undid my bra. Boys’ shirts became unbuttoned. Someone poured vodka down my throat. I might even have bitten someone’s nipples, which I have never done in my life, never mind with a superior co-worker.
Note to self: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE OFFICE BEHAVIOUR.
Nobody actually left the house until 4:30 a.m. I have no idea where the last few hours went, but I received some questionable texts from Cubemate, some that went “dfkajiodt!” and others that said “Help WOOO”. We still have not uncovered these cryptic messages.
I awoke the next morning feeling fine, but with a heavy feeling of lost dignity. After apologizing to Chef and promising to replace his booze, the messages from my coworkers started pouring in.
“Why the hell did I send you that text?”
“WTF happened to me last night?”
“Do you remember someone undoing your bra?” Etc., etc.
The funny thing is, we’ve developed some sort of weird bond from all this. And we’re doing it again.
Oh I so have to come to one of your parties, if for nothing other than to be able to deal out a report on the events the next day
My work mates/boss are fairly good and we have had a few drunk nights but I can’t imagine it getting that wild with them. The things you do when alcohol is involved huh
Hahaha, for real! When my company hires people, they really take into consideration how well people would mesh together, which so far has ended up being an amazing fit. i love it.
Biting a superior’s nipples is awesome. It can totally be used as leverage at some point.
That’s totally what I said!
You’re definitely gonna have to do this again. End of story.
Oh don’t worry, it’ll happen again!
Seriously awesome. A night’s not epic until nipples are bitten. lol. Lost dignity is fun… Remind me to tell you about the time I got absolutely sloshed and was goading James’s former boss (yep…the chief of staff for a congressman) to take shots. Not just shots. But SHOTS.
LOL. We’re gonna get along just fine at TBEX! Tell your hubby to be warned!
Oh wow. I could never, ever do that with the people I work with. I sounds hella fun!!! Hey, if you guys like to party, I see no harm. Have fun!
Agreed, just as long as it doesn’t get me fired! Hah.
You never fail to amaze (impress?) me, Candice.
Don’t worry, I can control myself at TBEX, hopefully.
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Geeze I want your co-workers!! I couldn’t even have a beer with my co-workers. My co-workers think I don’t drink and that I go to church and that I voted Republican.
Hahahahahaha, that is SAD.
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Line crossing? Like playing Truth or Dare with your co-workers on a bus on the way home from a drunk cruise and you pick Truth and your question is do you swallow? You mean something like that?
I REALLY want to hear that story.
Dude, I just posted this reply like 300 times and nothing happened. I’m sorry if you get like 200 emails from me.
Mental note, I have to party with you when I come home in Aug
Oh it’s ON!
“Note to self: THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE OFFICE BEHAVIOUR.”
Yeah, but if everybody behaves equally badly, everyone’s behaviour cancel’s out each other’s behaviour, right?
Oh man, when I first read your screenname, I thought it said “titty tiara.” I was like “YESSS!”
But you are TOTALLY right!
Oh, making office politics even more politicky….
Go nipple biting!
Bonding just like a mother with her newborn!
they hiring in your office?
I used to say, “Never dip your pen in company ink.” That stopped when I met my wife at work.