I lose patience when I talk to my parents on the phone.
My dad has difficulty hearing things, caused from years of working in the Hydro plant. I have to shout at him or repeat myself. My mother is impossible to please. Her latest words of advice were, “It doesn’t matter how miserable you are, as long as you’re making money.” Also, there is something wrong with me because I can’t find a date in a city of 250,000 people.
They quiz me relentlessly. My brother is graduating from high school at the end of the month, and every time they call, it’s to make sure I’m still coming home. Or they ask me about my friends, how they’re doing. They’re not so interested in how I’m doing, I’m not the one with Crohn’s Disease or the kind of epilepsy that eventually starts robbing you of normal, everyday functions.
They’ve been through a lot. My mother grew up in poverty and due to health complications lost her first child while my aunt was bringing home her baby boy. She lost her own mother when I was seven years old, very suddenly. I remember everything about her, she was my best friend. Sometimes I’m a little jealous about the relationship my mom had with her mother. They worked together well, they were perfect.
I’ve been having a hard time lately, grappling this quarter-life crisis where I fluctuate from extreme moods of happiness and contentment to discomfort and sheer fucking desire to run away. I sometimes get lonely.
Tonight as I was cleaning out my desk, I came across an envelope my mother had used to send me some document. I kept it because on the back, as a thoughtful parting gift, she had sealed it with a tiny floral sticker.
The kind of gesture that really makes you realize a mother’s worth.
(Feature photo by Erik Charlton.)
I much prefer hanging out with my parents in person. My brother and I always say, if my mom was a mutant, her power would be to kill someone slowly with a never-ending barrage of questions. On the phone it’s torture. Sometimes I just put it on speaker and go do something else.
I’ve done the same thing. I love my mom but sometimes she just goes on and on.
Yes, it’s difficult. The hard part is realizing that they won’t always be here, and then we wishing, wishing, wishing it had all been different. But it isn’t different–it’s hard. They push buttons we don’t even know we have when other people are talking to us. As with my HMLT (or whatever the fuck it is) problem, wine, dear, is the solution.
A word of hope: As unreal as this may seem, your 30s will be fabulous. You’ll replace insecurities with a confidence you never imagined. I loved being in my 30s. I’d love it right now…that and a glass of wine…
Oops, gave you the wrong e-mail address in the last comment. We can’t have that…
WTF, when did St John’s get so big? No really? Thought the last census just pegged St John’s around 100,000 people. Maybe if you count MP and all of CBS.
My parents were never much for the constant quizzing. I once commented that the girl I was dating – at the time – could be the future wife. My logic was simple. Every marriage starts out with a simple date. Who knew where it could lead. I got “yeah, sure!” ummm, wrong answer mom! Though with comments like that I still would not trade her for the world. She’s a very strong woman in my life and I am glad to be her son.
Your own mothers reactions are reminiscent of my mothers. She’s not much like it anymore. Now that she see’s her son not as child but a fully independent man. It took some time though. Several years in fact. Hopefully they will come around and take more note of your life’s happenings.
As for the advice about making money. If you can see past the crassness of it there is a point to be made. Ensure you are able to take care of yourself financially. Though, the great part of Gen X and Gen Y is that we have choices in doing that they never had.
Love and respect!
-C
I wasn’t close to either of my parent because I was strong willed and independent but somewhere in my mid thirties my mom and I figured it out and with my dad, who I’m most like, it probably wasn’t until my mid forites.
Sometimes it just takes time.
Awww at the sticker! I’ve started getting ‘close’ to my mom only a few years ago. I was raised by my aunt, and I’ve always wondered how different my life would be if I’ve stayed with my mom all my life. I do plan on having a good relationship with her, since kids in this country can’t move out until they’re married, super rich, or above 35.
I think we all battle that love-hate relationship on some level with our mothers. Can live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.
Hello lovely lady. I am so sorry that I have not been spending enough time with my other naughty redhead. I should be punished. I should be. Because I quite simply adore the effing hell out of you. And wouldn’t you know it, my latest post has something to do with my interesting relationship with my parents as well. See soulmates.
And amen to the “sheer fucking desire to run away”. Honestly, I don’t think it ever goes away. Or at least it hasn’t in my case.
But you can always run into my arms.
ahhhhhhhh my dear.
how i relate. although my parents are wonderful beings, the daily calls and checkups and doses of paranoia can wear thin.
i completely understand the highs and lows. hello, read my blog lately? and i can’t seem to find a date in a city of 200,000 people either, so booya. i’m rapidly approaching the age where those options are getting less attractive as well. it’s a sad state of affairs.
yet tomorrow i might feel like i’m on top of the world.
I love my parents. Dearly.
But they drive me BATSHIT sometimes.
It’s ok. It’s in their job description.
@J & Cammy: Even then, I can only handle it in small doses, hah
@Mary Poppins: I think that’s the part that kills me. I’m so impatient sometimes and then I realize y’know, we really only get to spend a small amount of time with our parents. Kills me. And that IS a thread of hope! Hahah, thanks.
@Chris: Yeah you’re right about the stats, totally over-estimated it, hahahaha. I know my parents mean well, but they don’t realize things are different now and life isn’t necessarily graduate > find work > get married > have babies, y’know?
@Linlah: I think so! I hope so…
@Nashe: That’s crazy! Are you very close to your aunt, then?
@JoAnna: Totally, I don’t really know of anyone who has a SUPER close relationship with their mother. Besides a few who are uncomfortably close, e.g. able to discuss sex and all the finer points of life.
@Lola: Your comment made me blush and smile and someday, someday, i SHALL run into your arms! Just you wait
@Brit: We’re a weird bunch, eh? I love my parents to death and thank gawd they never abused me or treated me poorly. But I guess all families are far from perfect.
@LiLu: For real, what kind of parents would they be if they didn’t drive us batshit?!
I love my Mom a lot, and we have a great relationship, but she can drive me crazy sometimes.
Incessant questions, unrequired suggestions, crazy pieces of advice, you name it.
She has my best interest at heart, and sometimes I don’t see her intentions clearly, bu that’s what mothers do, right?