I have the most bizarre issues with shoes.
First of all, I own too many. This wouldn’t be a problem, other than the fact that I can only wear about 1% of them.
I’m the kind of frugal shithead who doesn’t believe that quality means having to fork over thousands of dollars for a pair of socks. For the most part, this ideal serves me well. I own a lot of pretty things, and I’m fairly well dressed. But holy shit, frugality has screwed me in the shoe department.
I’m a bargain shopping, sale sniffing, cheapskate. Most times I don’t buy anything over $50. Here’s where I’ve been lead astray, because I am not a shoe person. I fucking hate shoes.
I can’t wear stilettos because I look like a wobbly giraffe, my ankles spiralling around those little needles whose job is to support a whole lot of booty. Yeah, right.
I can’t wear tall heels, or pumps, or gladiators, because I tower over the universe and possess the grace of Rosie O’Donnell.
I don’t ever get the right size. Sometimes I’m 9, sometimes I’m 8 1/2. Trying on one size at the store ends up with me coming home to regret it later.
And time and time again, I keep making these mistakes.
Exhibit A
The yellow shoes are actually bloody fantastic, from Payless. The pink ones, however, were designed for people whose heels extend at odd angles when walking so that my feet are only ever partially on the shoe. The purple ones, a perfect, beautiful fit from Le Chateau, keep slipping off my heel.
Exhibit B
Holy fuckery, where to begin? The light blue shoes. I bought them at one of those fecking expensive douchebag stores downtown, the kind that sells Burton and other meaningless crap. They’re supposed to tie up around my ankles, but not even rope can hold these babies in place.
To the right, my tall beige shoes I bought for my grad party. Size 10. Don’t ask me what the hell possessed me to buy them, other than an impatient friend breathing down my neck, but I also bought gel inserts hoping to make them a better fit. This doesn’t work.
The flats are fine, as are the tall black shoes (from Wal-Mart, surprisingly). The green ones? They rub between my toes so badly that I’m crippled by the third hour.
Exhibit C
The boots! The damned boots! I own three pairs like this. The pair on the left are the only ones I wear, and even then having to zip them up over my fat calves is like squeezing a watermelon through a keyhole. They were free, fortunately. The ones to the right have a stiletto heel, and omigawd you can’t put a girl like me in stilettos. I also have another pair of tall black boots with a wool top, and a pair of small ankle booties I can only wear at the office.
Exhibit D
I love the ones on the right, they work in any situation and I can wear them with anything. The ones on the left were my guilty pleasure purchase from Saturday. I freaking love them, they’re hot as balls. Except after wearing them downtown all night, they made my toes look like THIS:
Mangled toe
I just KNOW that’s what you wanted to read about tonight. My shoe collection and my bleeding toes, which Chef let me clean with his socks because chivalry is not dead.
All I want is a pair of plain black shoes with 1-inch heels and without the pointy tip. That’s it. Is that so much to ask? I don’t even know what to do anymore, how can I solve this disastrous shoe problem? It’s agonizing, the amount of money I’ve dished out for footwear (including new winter boots and sneakers) without ever really being able to wear any of it. At least appreciate the irony of wasting so much cash while trying to be frugal because I hate paying a huge lump sum on one item.
Perhaps stop buying anything under $50 other than flats would be a start.
No pointy tips for me for the last 15 years. Do you have any idea how hard it is to buy shoes without pointy toes and not have them look orthopedic? DAMN hard.
love the purple pair! i’m currently suffering from red toes after spending the past few weeks in £4 black flats (bargain!!!!) – so comfy until you stub the pavement and there is only a thin piece of rubbishy material between your toes and a slab of concrete!
I’ll never understand how women here can wear heels everyday. Not only that but they run in them to catch buses, and I have even seen them on mountains doing short hikes on rocky paths. Then again everything is about appearance here.
Those toes are freaking nasty, Candice. Good thing you had a sock to clean them up.
Man… I feel your pain. I’m anywhere b/t 8.5-10 (dress shoes-running shoes) but for some reason, I have 8s in my closet… that I wear… and regret. In December, I bought a pair of seriously fuddy-duddy ugly dress shoes for interviews. The second interview I wore them to was at a place about a half mile from my apartment and I walked, quickly, because I was late. When I got out of the interview and could finally look at my painfully sore heel, I realized it hurt because the back of the shoe had rubbed THROUGH my panty hose and THROUGH the top layer of skin. Literally a bloody mess.
Ballet flats! That is all.
Look into Earth shoes. Especially their sandals. COMFY. Also, expensive as ALL hell, but Frye boots are AMAZING. I’ve had one pair for 4 years, and 2 and a half of those years was walking everywhere in NYC. Totally, totally recommended.
Once I’m moved in, you’re coming over and perusing my shoe collection.
I ever so rarely go over $50, and I have many shoes I love ;D
I don’t like pointy toes.. and I tend to go nuts when I find shoes that fit my wish list.. but I generally restrain myself if they’re over $50!
I have some 1-inch round toed black shoes, actually… I wear them a LOT. I wore them whenever I was on appointments in school. And I’ve worn them to work a few times sicne moving here, despite the long walk to and from they remain super comfortable…
Anyhow. I really enjoyed this post. Because I do love shoes. ;D I’ve gotten better at weeding out the shoes that just don’t fit/aren’t comfortable.. I did once have a problem with that.. I once had a pair where the right and left shoe were SO NOT THE SAME SIZE. and yet i’d still try wearing them. Ridiculous.
(also, before moving here I found the best place for shoes was winners. but that is not universal. the winners here sucks for shoes… which is probably better for my bank account… but now there’s a payless, so we’ll see how that works out for me ;P )
Oh man, your shoe problems run deep! A couple of suggestions: 1) shop for shoes when you have been on your feet for most of the day. That way your feet will be at their biggest and puffiest and you can be sure they fit. 2) Dr. Scholls makes amazing stylish shoes that will become your faves. They hurt like hell the first time you wear them and then they become the perfect shoe. Not sure why. Good luck lady!
Damn! I bought some gorgeous shoes that kept slipping off my heel, too! Mighty expensive…and I wore them only once. Pffttt. And others I don’t wear often coz they make superloud clacky noises WHICH they so did not make in the store. Urghh.
Ouch, Candice. That is one sore looking toe.
If it makes you feel any better, I had a dream about you coming to NYC a couple months ago. We decided to meet up somewhere and I walked in and you were standing there, very smartly dressed in a long raincoat. Suddenly, I realized I was in my stocking feet. So the first order of business was to buy me shoes. You turned on your heels and strided confidently out of the building we were in, and I followed, thinking man, I wish I had her confidence. You obviously had your head on straight because you led me directly into a shoe store. We stood at a rack of shoes, and you immediately, within seconds, found a pair of shoes for me that cost $4.00. Four dollars! Again, you proved you were way ahead of me, because I looked down and in my hands was a pair of shoes that cost $4,400. (forty-four hundred dollars). Wow, I thought, she sure knows her way around a shoe store in New York. Then I looked back at the shoes and thought. But how does she know what size I wear? And I concluded that you probably didn’t.
Then I woke up. But now I find in real life that you wear the same size as me. So I guess you did know after all.
Ahhh your poor feet! I am also a disaster at shoes! I never know which size to wear. I finally found a solution… I wear flip flops and sandals all year long. You should really think about moving to texas!
Your toes are gross. Love ya anyways!
OMG your toes!!
I love the shoes, though. What a shame, I can’t belive you kept them on your feet despite getting mangled by them. That’s dedication!
I absolutely hate shoe shopping because I have a really wide foot and everything cute doesn’t fit me in the upper parts.
I bought a pair of black peep-toes for a friend’s wedding last month. I wore them for the first hour, then ended up going barefoot and having to scrub my feet clean for about half an hour to get all the grime off. Last year I did the same thing with a new pair of silver sandals – ended up going to Zellers with three other girls between the church and the reception looking for cheap flip flops. I’m doomed.
Flipflops
Gasp! Your toes! But taking about bloody painful feet – I get shoe bites – the all year round variety. Gah. Loved your flats and boots btw.
@linlah: pointy toes make my feet look like size 3003232. it’s alarming.
@Bec: hehe, i had the same problem…going from thick, heavy-duty winter boots to thin flats were a shock!
@Eric: some girls wear them like they’re sneakers, i REALLY don’t get it
@JoAnna: no wonder i’m single, right?
@Linda: aghhh! brutal! damn these feminine expectations
@Chris: loves me some flats!
@Maggie: oh the conflict of shoes!! if i could just wear heels, i’d be all set. make sit hard living downtown though.
@Cammy: i haven’t tried any dr. scholl’s yet, they seem hard to find around here.
thanks for the first tip though, worth a shot!
@nashe: hehe i kinda like that clacky noise, it’s … sexy. unless you walk like a horse.
@Sabina: Lol, sabina, that comment made me laugh so hard. it sounds EXACTLY like something i’d do! we will definitely go shoe shopping sometime! hahahaha.
@carissa: AGH, if only that were an option! jealous!
@sheri: i know ya do, they’re still in rough shape. i’ll show you on tuesday.
@basia: Lol, judging by all these comments, the moral of the story is to ALWAYS wear flip-flops!
@Mike: that seems to be the consensus ,yes!
@neha: thanks! the funny thing is, i’ll wear them again like a sucker…
Oh, I can totally relate! I have really narrow heals and really wide toes, so I can wear nothing without a strap to hold them on, so no pumps. AND the blister problem.
I have to say paying a little more has helped, as have buying these: http://www.footpetals.com/shop/products.html?id=2pkGnRSK&mv_arg=Foot%20Cushions
The heel pads and the pads for the ball of the foot really do work to make your favorite shoes fit better!
hahah where is my shout out for wearing those nasty ass shoes up the hill so you wouldnt die.. HMM
I have the same problem. I’m anywhere between an 8 and a 9. Also, I’m tall so cute high heels almost never work for me. I’m forced to always wear lackluster flats.
I’m trying to master the art of finding “really comfortable heels.” It’s a life long quest.
@Lottie: I didn’t thank you?! My bad! You are a life saver!
@Lola: I hate that too, even small heels make me tower over everybody
@Leigh: Please let me know if you succeed!