1. If you don’t establish some sort of routine, or get out of the house every now and then, you will eventually end up going out for a casual drink five nights a week.
2. Men are not impressed when you tell them you’re on a hippie self-discovery trip because you were laid off from your job. Conversely, every 21 year old you encounter will hit on you.
3. You’re given permission to find simple joys in things, like bins filled with chocolate at the grocery store, and giant blueberry emblems, and chirping crickets.
4. Your friends will think you are available to get drunk with them at any time, and usually, they’re right. Then the Friday nights when you really need a good night out, you find yourself sitting at home watching South Park and drinking disgusting beer you only bought because it was the cheapest at the liquor store while two Great Danes hover over you drooling profusely.
5. Freedom is just as terrifying as a lifetime of misery being chained to an office cube.
6. Every possible unexpected expense will pop up in a very short timeframe, like one week, and all the credit card debt you’ve paid off will start rising again.
7. You will think differently about yourself, doubt yourself, and question every one of your motives. You will get discouraged, consider yourself a loser, reconsider going back to school. Then you will flirt with younger men because despite being only 24 years old, you feel too old to be unemployed, broke, and not sure what the fuck to do next.
8. You will get moments of extreme, insufferable loneliness.
9. You will spend more money on entertainment than on groceries, but you’ll never actually lose weight.
10. Not having health insurance and paying $30 for antibiotics makes you want to never see a doctor again.
11. You learn who your real friends are, and the true colours of others. Sometimes this is a painful lesson. Sometimes it makes you want to punch someone in the balls.
12. Pressure to settle down, get married, have 300 babies and spend a lifetime cleaning up dog shit is imminent and considered the only real life path, and one not to be deviated from (as is the opinion of most).
13. That being said, dogs provide great company while everyone else is at work. Plus they’re usually willing to lend a free hug every now and then.
14. Life is fun. Like really, really fun.
15. Clean underwear is not considered clean if it’s merely turned inside out. Bring extra underwear on roadtrips for this reason.