I just came back from a five star meal at Cailin’s place: delicious brined turkey and all the trimmings. I’d like to say I helped, but mostly I sat around and observed. Or peeled the occasional potato, and then washed the dishes. I guess that’s some sort of domestication.
I’ve been finding it hard to keep my blogs updated because my posts keep running the same pessimistic, boring theme. The truth is I’m incredibly discouraged, feeling rather blue and…lonely. In my three months of being unemployed, I’ve come across two job postings that were suitable for me. I’m still working on a business plan but time is running out. I’m not the sort of person to sit around being idle, but shit…what do you do when opportunity just doesn’t exist? Meanwhile student debt looms in the background. Funny, isn’t it? You spend your life being encouraged to seek higher education, dish out the dollars, move out of town, build your resume…and then you find yourself being hounded to pay it all back, even if you can’t find a suitable career.
I came here expecting…what? I don’t know. My mother can’t figure me out, she doesn’t know why I’m here. Why not? Some people see unemployment as shameful, like I asked for it. Like I didn’t pay in those tax dollars, like I should go work at the mall just to be useful. A four year degree, two diplomas and two years of professional experience…all to work in a mall. Things aren’t working out here either. I seem to have created a huge rift between myself and the group of friends I love here, and lost another one entirely. I’m not okay with that.
But tomorrow is Thanksgiving and other than the boring tedium of my life, I have a lot to be thankful for. After a barrage of text messages from my friends back in St. John’s all weekend, it’s hard to not feel loved. I booked my return flight for the 19th, word of a welcome home party is circulating. Howie said we’d celebrate at his birthday party. When I told another friend I didn’t want to steal his spotlight, Howie apparently had said, “I’d rather she do that than not be there at all.” Not to mention the incredible hospitality of Jo and Cailin here in Halifax. I’ve been essentially living with them back and forth for two months now, and not once have they demanded any sort of compensation (other than me dogsitting the Great Danes).
Then there’s my family, even the whole extended family, who follow me on Facebook and send me frequent words of encouragement. I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful that my mother was around last week when my brother had a grand mal seizure in the bathroom, passed out in front of the door, gashed his head open and started choking. It took about 10 minutes for my mother to open the door to reach him, and if she hadn’t, lord knows what would have happened.
I’m thankful for good health, and even sloppy Dane kisses. And all the random encounters I’ve had here in the past two months. And the new realization that I could possibly move, and it wouldn’t kill me. I’m grateful for comedy, new sushi discoveries, George Street, finding $2 steals at the used bookstore, friends with the same shoe size who will let me borrow their goods, competitive airlines and fleece blankets. I’m also pretty thankful I have dedicated readers who don’t mind if I whine every now and then but will happily tell me to shut up when it’s deserved.
All that being said, I’ve had some ridiculous run-ins since I’ve been here in this city. Stay tuned!