I just came back from a five star meal at Cailin’s place: delicious brined turkey and all the trimmings. I’d like to say I helped, but mostly I sat around and observed. Or peeled the occasional potato, and then washed the dishes. I guess that’s some sort of domestication.

I’ve been finding it hard to keep my blogs updated because my posts keep running the same pessimistic, boring theme. The truth is I’m incredibly discouraged, feeling rather blue and…lonely. In my three months of being unemployed, I’ve come across two job postings that were suitable for me. I’m still working on a business plan but time is running out. I’m not the sort of person to sit around being idle, but shit…what do you do when opportunity just doesn’t exist? Meanwhile student debt looms in the background. Funny, isn’t it? You spend your life being encouraged to seek higher education, dish out the dollars, move out of town, build your resume…and then you find yourself being hounded to pay it all back, even if you can’t find a suitable career.

I came here expecting…what? I don’t know. My mother can’t figure me out, she doesn’t know why I’m here. Why not? Some people see unemployment as shameful, like I asked for it. Like I didn’t pay in those tax dollars, like I should go work at the mall just to be useful. A four year degree, two diplomas and two years of professional experience…all to work in a mall. Things aren’t working out here either. I seem to have created a huge rift between myself and the group of friends I love here, and lost another one entirely. I’m not okay with that.

But tomorrow is Thanksgiving and other than the boring tedium of my life, I have a lot to be thankful for. After a barrage of text messages from my friends back in St. John’s all weekend, it’s hard to not feel loved. I booked my return flight for the 19th, word of a welcome home party is circulating. Howie said we’d celebrate at his birthday party. When I told another friend I didn’t want to steal his spotlight, Howie apparently had said, “I’d rather she do that than not be there at all.” Not to mention the incredible hospitality of Jo and Cailin here in Halifax. I’ve been essentially living with them back and forth for two months now, and not once have they demanded any sort of compensation (other than me dogsitting the Great Danes).

Then there’s my family, even the whole extended family, who follow me on Facebook and send me frequent words of encouragement. I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful that my mother was around last week when my brother had a grand mal seizure in the bathroom, passed out in front of the door, gashed his head open and started choking. It took about 10 minutes for my mother to open the door to reach him, and if she hadn’t, lord knows what would have happened.

I’m thankful for good health, and even sloppy Dane kisses. And all the random encounters I’ve had here in the past two months. And the new realization that I could possibly move, and it wouldn’t kill me. I’m grateful for comedy, new sushi discoveries, George Street, finding $2 steals at the used bookstore, friends with the same shoe size who will let me borrow their goods, competitive airlines and fleece blankets. I’m also pretty thankful I have dedicated readers who don’t mind if I whine every now and then but will happily tell me to shut up when it’s deserved.

All that being said, I’ve had some ridiculous run-ins since I’ve been here in this city. Stay tuned!

[Photo: StarMama]

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9 Responses

  1. I’m thankful for you and your blog! Just thought I’d throw that out there. It keeps me going in my barely employed times.

  2. J says:

    Get it all out, mama. We’ll never judge you. And it sounds like you’re dealing with…what a lot of people are dealing with. There’s nothing depressing about you.

    Gingers are never depressing.

  3. maggie says:

    i’m thankful for you :) you saved my life this year, in ways i can’t even explain.
    i’m sorry things didn’t work out exactly as you hoped they would down there in halifax, but i’m glad you’ve had the fun you did have :) and, let’s be honest, i’m super pumped you’re coming home ;D

    I still have mad faith things will work out for you. You’ve worked to hard for it to be otherwise.

  4. linlah says:

    I’m glad you’re going back to Maggie, a comfort known, and I know there is something waiting for you in the City you love, I’m sure of it.

  5. PorkStar says:

    I hope your thanksgiving was pretty good. I love reading your blog and as much as you mention about pessimism and unemployment, your themes are always witty, funny and i love reading about you and your shenanigans…

    Keep up the good spirits!

  6. Hang in there! I know it sounds cliche, but sometimes that is all you can do. Oh and have a kick ass time at your welcome back party =D

  7. admin says:

    Ah, I can always count on my readers to perk me up, thank you friends! I’m glad you’re still reading no matter how listless I am sometimes. Keeps me happy.

    Maggie, I’m returning to you soon my love! Yaaay!

  8. Arina says:

    Man, keep that cute chin of yours up. Sometimes, it’s times of indecision that make you get a feel for what you really love doing. Experiment with your unemployment – I think it could be a great gift, especially with such a supportive network of people around.

    Either way,

    I wish you lootssssssss of slobbery dog love, because honestly, that’s the best kind.

  9. okay, i was just alllllll thrown off. then i realized you’re in canada so you have different calendar of holidays there. haha

    man, you know i can relate to this. it was almost a year before i got my career going after getting fired for some bullshit. and no unemployment either!?!? it sucked.

    it is hard. and i slipped into a depression for sure as we all know. but there are those rays of sunshine. like your health. and the fact that you do have a family that you love who loves you.

    there are always things. to be thankful for.

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